Oink. Oink. Oink.

Okay seriously, this just happened.

First of all, I'm a Resident Assistant here at Northwood. I know..I haven't slept since September ("do you remember...") So I look after 23 little chitlins and all their aches, pains, fears, beer, and dreams.

So....I'm surfing youtube waiting for my 2 o'clock Stats class to roll around when I hear a little rap at my door. I toss my macbook to the end of my bed and gallop to the door. We have peep holes but I think of peep holes as a physical adaptation of a cell phone...you know, like when you screen calls? I digress. I opened the door wide open to someone who shall remain nameless. She looked a little bamboozled for some reason so I strip searched her for alcohol -- not really. But I did give her an odd look in return for the bamboozled look she was giving me. You're welcome.

I stand there for what felt like...10 seconds, mentally waving my hands and rolling my neck in a upward motion as to say, "Okay, start talking! I'm waiting!!"
And finally, she says in one casual breath, "Do you guys have any kind of ham?"

Alright, now I get my cravings for Sprite or avocados like once a month - but ham? Who eats ham at 1:11 on a Tuesday afternoon in Dallas, TX?
"Ummm, like the food ham?" I ask?
"Sure," she responds. SURE! What the heck is that?
I probably gave her a more exaggerated bamboozled look and walked over the refrigerator to fake-see if we had ham. . . .

"Well, it looks like we've got some string cheese, a few Vaults left, some colorful liquid Popsicles, leftover Smoothie King, but surprisingly, no ha --"

Wait. We do have this pre-cooked, ready to heat bacon in a box. Granted its from last November and Abby STILL has not cleaned off her shelf so I figure, why not give her that nastiness in a box. It's as about as close to ham that you can get in a dorm.

My question is this: When you walk up to someone and need to ask them an unexpected, somewhat odd, slightly strange, morbidly grotesque question...don't we normally begin that thought with something like, "Hey this may seem weird, unexpected, somewhat odd, slightly strange, and morbidly grotesque but....." See that makes sense.

peace. love. and turduckin.